i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
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