i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
