I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
