I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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