went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I feel like a drive thru vagina
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
