I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
