You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
