we're chasing vodka with high fives
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
