So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize