My first STD was from a foam party
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
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