4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
no, he came in my armpit
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
