Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
