I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
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She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
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And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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