swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
