My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
