but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
