I must be too annoying 4 u.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
