Joe is yelling at the trees again.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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