The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
