Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
