How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
