Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
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