I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
