Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
