I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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