Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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