i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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