lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
