shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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