Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
