Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
