we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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