Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
