You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
