There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Randomize
