I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
