Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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