remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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