so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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