So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
