it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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