dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
