We won't sleep together?
if you like me you must not know who I am
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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