it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I just blew my weed a kiss
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
