New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
