I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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