You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
