Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
