hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
