Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
