I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Liz is crying about burritos again.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
