I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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