He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
