I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
