considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
