I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
