I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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