The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I'm really busy with my period
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