ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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