My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
