Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
operation have a gay friend backfired
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
