Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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