i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
