Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
