okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
