oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
