After last night, I could never be a politician.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
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I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
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My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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