Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
