I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
