dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
