There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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