He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
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