Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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