i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
After last night, I could never be a politician.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
