I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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