I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
