its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
