It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You were trust falling into bushes
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
